5 Ways to Help Your Marriage Thrive During COVID-19

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Over the past several weeks, most married couples have spent more time together than any time since their honeymoon. Though this constant close proximity has the potential for irritation, it also creates ample opportunity for growth and fun. Spending more time together this summer is a gift that we should embrace and utilize to grow in love for each other. 

But, how can we use this unique season to strengthen our marriage? To answer this question, we went to the experts — Clear Creek Navigators with decades of experience leading groups of married couples to become fully devoted followers of Jesus. A few of their strategies for growing your relationship together are compiled below. Which of these ideas will you implement today?

 

 

1. Plan a Date Night

We have a date night each week. We order pizza for the kids at 5 p.m., have them take showers, and then they are upstairs for the rest of the night, watching TV or playing video games. I actually put on something other than yoga pants and even some makeup. Shaun and I then order takeout or grill something, and we sit outside and relax with music on the speaker and adult conversations. We get the boys to bed at 8:30 and then watch a movie and relax with popcorn and movie theater snacks. I seriously look forward to it! 

Shaun & Elizabeth Hauser
Egret Bay

 

On Friday evenings, we order from local restaurants to have our date night dinner at home. We’ve even hung curtains near the entrance to our dining room for privacy from the kids. We listen to music while we dine together.

Scott & Tami Bishop
Clear Lake
 

Friday night dance dates! We found an online dance program that teaches us step by step. Once our daughters go to bed, we move the coffee table out of the way, throw on some socks, and try to dance the night away! It has provided some great laughs and moments of connection during this stressful season.

Ryan & Tasha Thomas
Egret Bay

 

2. Get Outside

We take late afternoon walks. It gives us a chance to get some fresh air, exercise, and time to chat about life. It has been good for us to take that pause in the day while getting out of the house together. We plan to keep this going long after COVID-19!

Travis & Cari Hicks
Clear Lake

We have been motivating each other to get moving! We either walk, ride our bikes, or do some other outdoor activity. As long as we are moving together, we are moving in the right direction!

Jaime & Nina Valverde
Clear Lake

 

Sarah and I go on walks almost every day with the kids. It gives us a chance to get out of the house, avoid distractions like TV and phones, and enjoy the kids on their bike or in the stroller. It also gives us time together as a family and as a couple. Being able to walk and talk to one another has been very important to our marriage during this time. 

Nathan & Sarah Southard
Egret Bay

 

3. Make Time to Talk

We make it a point to put the kids down early so that we have time and enough energy at the end of the day to talk about what went well that day, what could’ve gone better, and any changes to our plan of attack for the upcoming days. It’s also a great time to just relax and spend time together without kids interrupting.

Derek & Abby Willis
East 96

 

We take a walk most evenings so Doug can get an ICEE at Buc-ees. We use this time to catch up with each other and talk through ideas, plans, frustrations, etc.

Doug & Kara Dawson
Egret Bay

 

We both have been working since the stay-at-home orders started, but our working hours have been different so we are not rushing out the door at 6:30 each morning to get to work. We have been able to enjoy a morning cup of coffee together, with unrushed conversation and prayer before starting the day. 

Michael & Clara Springer
Clear Lake

 

4. Think about the Future

We love to travel and do projects in our backyard and around the house, so right now we enjoy talking almost daily about future trips and projects. Our talks vary from camping trips to sketches about closet shelves and garage organization. It’s fun to sit, plan, and dream a little together. 

Brad & Allison Swenson
West

 

We have started to dream together! We have been sharing with each other and our kids what we want to do post-quarantine, from planning vacations to new family norms. We aren’t dreaming out of current discontentment, but with great hope that the Lord will see us through and we will forever be changed.

Aaron & Nicole Daniel
West

 

5. Grow and Serve Together

Our small group had each person write down one thing about their spouse on each day of the week (M-F) that they like, are grateful for, are impressed by, appreciate, etc. Then on Saturday morning they would give their spouse the list. This was very well received and neat to see how something really simple could impact one of the people you love most in this world.

Dan & Danielle Mellen
Egret Bay

 

We actually have been more intentional about doing our couples devotional. It really jogs the mind to think about how we are growing spiritually through our family relationships and especially with one another. It asks hard questions and provides prayer suggestions. It is fun, but difficult at times. However, it does seem to reignite our communication with each other and relationship with God.

Darren & Alecia Whitmarsh
East 96

 

One of the things we struggled with before COVID-19 was slowing down and taking the time to get to know our neighbors. Lately, our new favorite thing to do once we put our child to bed is sit out in the driveway and eat our dinner. It’s a nice change of scenery, and we love to wave or talk to people as they walk by.

Matthew & Victoria Horne
East 96

 

Studying the Bible

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As a 19-year-old, I moved miles away from my parents’ faith-filled home into my very own Ikea furniture-filled apartment.

Relying on my own beliefs for the first time proved to be more challenging than I had anticipated. My faith, which once felt simple and clear, grew murky against the backdrop of popular quotes from sermons circulating the internet and common but unbiblical phrases like, “God helps those who help themselves,” or “He won’t give you anything you can’t handle.”

My confusion and uncertainty in why I believed what I believed sent me on a mission to find out for myself exactly what my Bible said. Along the way, I learned how to study the Bible in three steps: observation, interpretation, and application.

 

Observation–What does this say?

Growing up in the Church meant that I had heard a lot of Bible stories throughout my childhood. I was familiar with Biblical characters (who were usually painted as heroes that taught some kind of moral lesson) and general concepts, but I had a false confidence that I knew more about the Bible than I actually did.

When I started taking the time to observe the text, it forced me to ask questions beyond the words on a page.

Why would he say it that way? This story reminds me of that story, is there some kind of connection between them? What’s up with these pharisees and why are they hating on Jesus so much?

The more questions I asked, the more intrigued I became with the text. The more intrigued I became, the more questions I would ask. It was an endless cycle that felt more like an adventure than a box to check on my to-do list of spiritual disciplines.

In learning to observe text, I grew confident that asking questions wasn’t a symptom of doubt like I had grown up believing. It wasn’t an indication of a weak or small faith, either. Inquisition was an essential tool to grow and sharpen it; it was the first step to standing firmly on my own faith and knowing exactly why I could rely on its foundation.

 

Interpretation–What does this mean?

Doing the hard work of interpretation showed me that I had a strong tendency to make the Bible about me.

I had a propensity to approach Scripture with egocentric expectations. I wanted immediate solutions to my problems, direction for my life, and to know how significant I was to God.

Before I knew better, I thought the Bible could mean one thing to me, another thing to you, and we could both have our cake and eat it, too.

What I didn’t know then is that the Bible isn’t actually about either of us. The Bible is a book about God written forus, not tous. Interpreting the Bible means uncovering the author’s intended meaning for his original audience. That meaning is objective, not subjective, so it will be equally true for those original hearers as it is for us today.

Interpretation is hard work. But I’ve found it gets a lot easier when I remove myself from a throne on which I do not belong and demand my self-esteem be spoken to. When I approach Scripture in worship with a bowed head and bent knee, I’m far more inclined to let God teach me through a text than to manipulate it to say something I want to hear.

 

Application–Why does it matter?

Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”

I’ve found the accuracy of that verse to be most palpable when tasked with applying the truth of the Bible to my own life. The same verse that comforts a hurting friend convicts me. The same passage I studied last year, challenges me in a new way this year.

Applying the Bible to my life is a protection that prevents me from only engaging with the Bible intellectually. To examine my heart and my life in raw honesty before God and welcome his conviction is to cooperate in my sanctification.

 

Studying the Bible takes time. In the midst of a global pandemic, most of us have a lot more than usual. As we search Scripture for answers and hope in the face of uncertainty, we can find the satisfaction and peace our souls long for when we learn to handle the Word rightly.

It’s true: there are certainly no shortcuts when it comes to learning about the God of the universe. But when we try – when we commit to growing in our knowledge of God – we’ll find there’s also no pursuit more worthy.

My prayer as we engage with God through his word, is that we would pursue him with all of our hearts, souls, and minds.

As you begin your journey to gain a better understanding of the Bible, you may find these resources helpful:

BlueLetterBible.org

BibleProject.com

BestCommentaries.com

The ESV Study Bible

How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth, Gordon Fee

God’s Big Picture, Vaughn Roberts

Women of the Word, Jen Wilkin

Clear Creek Classes

Imago Dei: Beyond Dignity

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Throughout history, the church has been called to be the champion of the vulnerable, the weak, and the persecuted.

This call for justice — whether to fight racial discrimination, defend the lives of the unborn, or end human trafficking — is an appeal to see every human being through the eyes of the Christian narrative which proclaims mankind’s creation in the image of God, or imago dei.

This truth is the foundation for all human rights.

All people have inherent dignity (i.e. are valuable) not because of any aspect of their lives or circumstance, but because they bear the image of God. Although human dignity found within the imago dei is often enough to convince people to avoid harming others, it does not always move us towards active love. In order to move towards the empathy, sacrifice, and desire for justice we are called to as God’s people, we have to understand the depth of what it means to be made in God’s image. It can be easy to downplay the significance of the imago dei, but it isn’t merely a reason to value others. The Bible tells us:

“So God created mankind in his own image,
    in the image of God he created them;
    male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27)

In the beginning, men and women were created by God to reflect his character and represent him in this world, but because of the Fall, this image was corrupted. Humans no longer reflected the character of God to each other as intended. Instead, men and women set up their own rules and ways of life, harming one another and persecuting the vulnerable, no longer loving and ruling as God had ordained.

Even the nation of Israel, the Old Testament people of God, did not reflect the love of God toward each other, despite continual commands from God to seek justice and protect the weak. We just cannot live and love as God created us to on our own.

But, a Savior has come in whom we see the true and perfect imago dei.

“He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation.” (Colossians 1:15)

Jesus, fully God and fully man, shows us what the image of God really looks like: loving the lost, protecting the vulnerable, and sacrificing for others — even unto death. And, because of Jesus, by the grace of God, we can now walk in newness of life. Through faith in Christ, we are freed from the power of sin and filled with the power of the Holy Spirit, to reflect the image of God, loving and living as Jesus.

“For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.” (Romans 8:28)

Imago dei requires us to view all people as having inherent value and dignity. However, the imago dei is not only descriptive, it is prescriptive.

Image-bearing is not just a title, it is a calling.

We — those walking in the footsteps of Jesus — defend the rights of the unborn because every life is valuable. We should also care for orphans because we are representatives of God in his kingdom. We — the church — refuse to persecute the vulnerable because every person bears God’s image and has inherent dignity. We should also protect and love the persecuted, because as we are conformed into the image of the Son, we reflect his compassion and sacrifice.

One day, Jesus will return and make all things new: a restored world and perfect justice for all.

He will.

We rest in this certainty.

Until then, we live in the already and not yet, where there is uncertainty, injustice, and suffering.

Let’s remember that we were created in the image of God – a description of all people, and a call to Christians to be conformed into the likeness and love of our Savior,

Let’s spend less time creating our own rules and ways of life, and focus on reflecting to others a glimpse of what the kingdom of God looks like: peace, love, unity, and justice.

Let’s cling to Jesus.

Who to Trust

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I remember the way I felt some years ago, the first time I watched our teenage son drive away on his own. Part of me was jumping for joy at getting out of the transportation business, but part of me wanted to scream, “I’m sorry world! Everyone look out!” It was a clarifying moment because as I watched him drive away I realized I had zero control of how he was going to do as a driver. Maybe even worse was the realization that I would still be responsible for how well he drove because I was paying for the auto insurance. It was a helpless feeling. The butterflies in my stomach were fluttering because I knew I had to give up control and I had to trust.

But, who to trust?

Trust Josh or trust God?

It didn’t take me long to figure out that if I was going to trust Josh, which I had no real choice but to do, I had to first and foremost trust God. That’s the way life always has to work, if it is going to work. We live our lives with people. All day, every day. And so, our trust in God is inescapably reflected in how we relate to the people around us. If we are not very careful to trust God first then our only option is to pin our hopes on other people, and the only way we can get other people to do what we (think we) need them to do is to control them. Running around trying to control others is a bad way to live.

The need to control is a one-way road with two lanes. One lane is filled with fear, the other is filled with selfishness. I’m going to control people to keep them from taking something from me I am afraid to lose. Or, I am going to control people to try and get what I want from them. The lane of fear is filled with the potholes of shame and guilt that come from treating other people as threats. The lane of selfishness is riddled with the potholes of frustration and despair because people are hopelessly unreliable when it comes to satisfying your soul.

The only way to exit the one-way road of fear and selfishness is to trust God first. When you do, you release yourself from the need to depend on people or protect yourself from people, you actually free yourself to serve other people. This truth is at the heart of texts like “Blessed are the meek…” “Blessed are the pure in heart…” “Blessed are the peacemakers…” (Matthew 5:1-11). People who trust God first can be the kind of people Jesus calls leaders, “But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them.  It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave…” (Matthew 20:25-27).

Jesus proclaims those who trust God first don’t have to dominate, don’t need ulterior motives, and are willing to endure some injustice to restore relationships. Jesus said people who trust God first are the kind of people who are his followers and the kind of people his followers follow.

This is always an essential truth for us, but particularly so right now, because this virus is like one of those watching your teenager drive away moments. It’s a flashing traffic light telling you “you are NOT in control!”

You are not in control of the measures government agencies and employers take to control the spread. You’re not in control of how responsible the people who pick and deliver your groceries are. You’re not in control of the people who bought up every roll of toilet paper in the universe.

I know you know all that.

But, whether you trust God first or trust people first is determining how you respond to it all.

If you are first depending on people to protect your job, your health, your savings, your vacation plans then you should be afraid. You need those people to protect what is most important to you. If you are depending first on people to address the specific impacts on your first, the way you want them to, you are going to be frustrated to the point of despair.

It isn’t that those things don’t matter. And, it is true that all of us have endured some degree of loss. For many it’s been mostly inconvenience, but for some it has been truly catastrophic. The question is, who are you looking to for restoration? Who do you believe knows what is in everyone’s best interest and has the power to bring it about? Whose goodness will allow your heart to rest enough that you can humbly obey those who administer our government and our employment? Whose power and presence can sustain you through grief and financial strain?

God first, or people first?

Who will present themselves as a servant to their neighbor? Who will rejoice in and redeem unprecedented time to be present with spouse and children? Who will regularly offer prayer for healing, wisdom, relief? The one who trusts God first, or people first?

I’ve been trying to figure out what my actions and emotions in response to the virus and its affects are teaching me about who I trust first. I’m trying to capture the moments of frustration and self-pity and figure out why I expect some other person to provide what no person can provide for me. Then figure out how I should respond that those people differently when I get my trusts in order.

I want to refuse to be gripped by fear, selfishness, or COVID-19 angst. I refuse to be a victim or a wet rag waiting for the next negative shoe to drop. I want God to make me pure in heart, to use me to be a peacemaker, to be someone Jesus would call a leader.

If nothing else, I know this much: I need to trust God first.

 

(Mom) Guilt and the Gospel

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It started a few weeks after my oldest son was born.

I had dreamed of being a mom. Read all the books. Attended the classes. Developed and implemented a plan experts guaranteed would have my child sleeping on a schedule and through the night by six weeks old.

Except it didn’t work.

I was a wreck. I wasn’t even three months into this mom gig, and already I had failed my child in some significant way. I was experiencing my first bout of mom guilt.

I have a feeling most moms can share their own stories of times they felt they were not up to the task of motherhood, that somehow, they too failed their children. It’s almost universal. Studies say more than 90 percent of mothers experience this unique kind of distress, and 75 percent of parents as a whole feel pressure to be “perfect” for their children. Did you read that? Perfect. No wonder we feel guilty. Perfect is a pretty high standard.

For moms who are followers of Christ, what are we to do with mom guilt?  Actually, let’s first ask the question: what are Christians to do with guilt period?

2 Corinthians 7:10 says, “For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas world grief produces death.” Said another way, our grief before salvation leads us to repent and accept Jesus’ gift of grace on our behalf. Once we’ve become followers of Jesus, Christians shouldn’t feel guilt. Conviction of the Spirit for sin? Yes! But guilt? No. The penalty for our sin has been paid by Jesus.

Bryan Chapell expands on this truth in his book, Holiness by Grace:

Remorse prior to approaching the cross is of God, but after true repentance beneath the cross such self-reproach is of Satan. Our Adversary wants us to believe that Christ’s blood is not sufficient to cleanse confessed sin. We become susceptible to his lie when we begin to doubt the power of the cross full to cancel our guilt, for then we will begin to live (and fall) in the strength of our own efforts.

If you listened to the Clear Creek Resources podcast episode Rachel Chester, Mandy Turner, and I did on mom guilt, we made the distinction between good and bad guilt. Good guilt is better called conviction. It’s one of the roles the Holy Spirit plays in the life of the Christian. It is a mark of true belief (see John 16:8). As followers of Jesus we should be broken over sin. As believing moms we should repent when we sin against our children. Certainly this happens: angry words, rash discipline, selfish motives. These are clearly times we should ask for forgiveness from the Lord and our children.

However, far too often we experience anguish and shame when no sin was involved. This is because somewhere along the way we exchanged the idea of what we might do to be a good mom with what we must do to be a good mom. I experienced mom guilt when I didn’t plan the perfect birthday party, or couldn’t have lunch at school with my boys because of work, or a thousand other things that made me feel like a bad mom. But, I had turned mommy possibilities into mommy imperatives. This is bad guilt.

Sometimes mom guilt has nothing to do with our actions. We may feel guilty because our child made a poor choice and is experiencing a natural consequence like the loss of a friendship. That is enough to send some into the mom guilt spiral of self-doubt, heartache, and despair. And you should know, this also is bad guilt.

Mom guilt is bad guilt.

We need a gospel pathway to walk in order to deal with it.

In my opening story about how I couldn’t get my son to sleep, my friend Amanda heard about my despair. She called and gave me words of grace. Gratefully, over the years, many other women have shepherded my heart similarly in other times of mom guilt. I want to leave you with four steps that have helped me get back on track, and I hope, might help you as well:

1. Remove the standard of perfection.
Get rid of the burden you’ve placed on yourself from wherever it may have arisen (e.g., family of origin, social media, friends). Realize there is one who has been perfect for you (2 Cor. 5:21). Like Paul, we certainly all have weaknesses. And if the apostle, who wrote two-thirds of the New Testament, can claim that because of his weaknesses he can rest in Jesus, certainly we should as well (2 Cor. 12: 9-10).

2. Fix your eyes on Jesus.
I think my mom guilt has often surfaced when my focus has been too much on me. Jesus frees me from needing to constantly evaluate myself against my “perfect mom” standard. Instead of my feeling being anchored to my accomplishments which fluctuate daily (sometimes I’m happy at the day’s end, and other times I’m discouraged), my affections are bound up in Jesus who is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Heb. 13:8). His love for me is steadfast (Rom. 8:38-39) because of what he accomplished for me 2,000 years ago.

3. Call out to God.
Let’s be real. Being a mom is hard. Really hard. Go to Jesus in prayer when you feel the waves of self-doubt and despair begin to wash over you (Heb. 4:16). Don’t skip this! Prayer is one of the most effective ways to combat mom guilt.

4. Be involved in community.
Every mom needs two (or, maybe ten?) Amandas in her life. You need women who can speak gospel truths to your heart. You need friends who will not tell you what you want to hear but need to hear. This is authentic community. It is where can know and be known. It is where you can be vulnerable and find encouragement that you are not alone in your dealings with mom guilt…or any other endeavor (Heb. 10:24-25).

 

It’s Viral

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Kay and I, like many other people, have been taking a lot of walks the last few weeks. It’s been fun and it’s been a bit strange because there are times when so many people are strolling it almost looks like a parade. Everyone walking in the street – keeping a polite distance – walking along with their dogs, children, bikes, and wagons. It’s hard not to think the world would be a better place if evening walks in the neighborhood became our collective norm.

Still, there is something unsatisfying about it.

The parade has the appearance of being quaint and beneficial, until you look closely enough to see what’s really going on. If you stop and just watch the “parade” through the neighborhood you notice people are together, but separate. They can get close to each other, but not too close. Some are obviously afraid of everyone and some groups are brazen in their disregard for the whole “distancing” idea.

I want to remember the picture because it so aptly illustrates what sin does.

Think about it. Like a virus, sin is unseen. It is present all around you, and even in you, and it makes you sick and it makes the people you interact with sick.

Sin is the greatest producer of “social distancing” in the history of people. Sin separates us from one another. Sin is like the unseen virus that produces conversations without hugs, presence without intimacy. Sin is the unseen virus that keeps some people bound in fear of others while some people flaunt their indifference to how they might injure other people. Sin is the virus that makes us mistrust the person approaching us, and even mistrust ourselves. So we keep safe space, we keep secrets, we erect defenses, we chase urban myths seeking cures and comforts.

Maybe the best thing that could come out of the unprecedented response to a physical virus would be if each of us would take some strong action against our spiritual virus, sin. Instead of using the current circumstances as an excuse to look outwardly and act against a physical threat, now would be a great time to look intently inward and deal with a more dangerous threat.

Here is a really good place to look for the virus: if in the midst of spending more time at home you find yourself getting irritable and impatient with your spouse, why is that? Why is it that the person you joyfully became one with is now somehow an inconvenience? What is it that is more important to you than they are? Or, what have you been thinking and doing over the years of your marriage to give your spouse reason to mistrust you or protect themselves from how you respond to life?

If there is tension between the two of you, you can “social distance,” or you can wear masks to cover up and protect what you’ve chosen to love more. You can make your focus the harm you fear they might cause you. You can prioritize your work and personal space and just adapt to the tension. That is what is happening in some hearts and homes in the midst of this forced presence at home. And so, like the evening parade in the neighborhood it looks kind of cool, until you look closely. But if you stop and watch you notice the masks, the fear, and the mistrust.

The better response would be to kill the virus that is living in you and making you the center of your own little universe. The better response would be to hold your heart and its desires up to the truth of Scripture and face up to the ways you choose to serve you, over and against choosing to practically love and serve the person you married. The better response would be to use this unprecedented opportunity to trust God in the simplest, most mundane interactions in your home to serve your spouse. You aren’t going to fix everything in a week, but you can change the trajectory of your marriage starting today, starting with you. As a beginning how about picking just one short verse of Scripture and commit to living it out at home, something like:

 

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Philippians 2:3-4

 

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 

Ephesians 4:29

 

But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Colossians 3:8

 

You pick a verse that will attack the worst symptom of the virus in you. You probably already have one ringing in your ears. If so, do that one.

This strange sort of national “time out” period could be the best thing that ever happened to you, your spouse, your family. But only if you look inside and only if you have the faith and courage to ask God to forgive you, heal you, remake you in his image. God will do that if you let him. He has the power and the will to kill the virus in you.

I hope and pray you will respond to the spiritual virus that’s in you with more energy and enthusiasm than the world is responding to a physical virus.

 

22 Ways to Live Whole-Life Generosity During Tough Times

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This article was originally published on April 1, 2020 by Generous Church and posted here by permission. You can read the original article here.

Whole-Life generosity is needed more during times of struggle than in times of surplus.

Here is a list of 22 simple yet impactful ways that you can encourage people in your church to practice generosity to those right around them.

 

Practice gratitude:

In other words, refuse to be a complainer. Instead, look for the positive and then share it with others. Rather than contacting the complaint department whenever something is wrong, commit to only contacting businesses when you receive good customer service or excellent product delivery. Memorize and practice Colossians 3:15.

Share your stuff:

Have extra of some things? Why not share with those who don’t? Right now, things like toilet paper, disinfectant, hand cleaner, etc. are in short supply. Donate them to neighbors, local shelters and nursing homes. Then make it a habit to share your stuff with others from now on.

Remember the homeless:

These folks are always at risk but especially now. Call your local homeless shelter and ask what they need, then deliver what you can.

Help the youth:

Older generations have a lot to share with younger people. If you’ve faced previous hardships, your experience can provide fresh perspective and comfort to kids who are struggling with their current situation.

Shop local:

Call first, then order delivery or carry out. While there, buy some gift cards and give some away or keep some for future use.

Give blood:

The American Red Cross has a huge shortage right now. Once the current situation has passed, you’ll already know how easy it is to do donate regularly.

Support the service industry: 

Prepay your barber, hair salon, the babysitter, etc. using Paypal, Venmo or Apple Pay. Send them a note letting them know you care.

Go senior shopping:

Perhaps you can run errands, pick up groceries (even medications with permission) for the elderly and those who are immuno-compromised.

Get some exercise:

The gym maybe closed, but your neighbors need some yard work done. Call and ask if you can help out. Be the person who brings everyone’s trash bins back to the garage after the collection trucks have left your neighborhood. One Kansas City metro neighborhood had a person who did this every week for those on his street. After a while he was given the honorary title of “Mayor” for his subdivision because of this one simple but thoughtful act.

Order some flowers:

Have them delivered to a place of business that remains open or other “essential” organization. Include a note letting them know you’re praying for them.

Use technology:

Apps like Nextdoor let you see if any neighbors have asked for help. Reach out to them and be a blessing.

Help local food banks:

Call first to ask what they need. Things like funds, food, or volunteer help.

Stay connected:

Texting is fine. Email is okay. But picking up the phone and calling someone is even better. Consider using Zoom or FaceTime to stay in touch. This is good for both your friend and your own soul.

Reconsider your finances:

Now is the time to examine your spending, saving and especially your giving practices. Prayerfully consider what needs to change in the area of financial generosity. We’re not talking about tithing – we’re talking about living generously, being radical with the resources God has entrusted to you. Luke 6:38

Remember widows and orphans:

You can never go wrong being generous to those who are at risk and vulnerable. James 1:27

Order food:

Place the order and have it delivered…to someone else! Firefighters, EMTs, Paramedics, hospital staff, and many others would be delighted to have a box of fresh donuts, a couple of hot pizzas or some excellent Barbeque delivered to their workplace.

Remember your church: 

Consider volunteering for an area of ministry you know is always lacking help. Contact the appropriate staff member now and let them know you’re “all in” when services resume. Then keep your promise. Also, remember to contribute faithfully. Malachi 3:10

Pray and fast: 

We’re commanded to pray without ceasing. Now is a perfect time to practice the spiritual disciplines of prayer and fasting.

Write some notes:

Nothing beats a handwritten note. Sit down with pen and paper, jot a brief message of encouragement and drop it in the mail. Everyone loves getting personal mail. Remember the old saying regarding letters, “You have to write them to get them.”

Enjoy being quarantined: 

Stay home and use the extra time to get some cleaning, organizing or simple projects done. Staying home helps protect you have health risks and protects those around you, too.

Be creative:

These are just a few ideas, but I bet you can come up with many others. Keep the current restrictions in mind and make your ideas fit the context of your current situation.

Remember who you are:

Or better put, remember to Whom you belong. As Americans we have the right to free speech. As Christians we have the authority to speak truth. But we have to earn the right to be heard. When you speak, be positive, loving, caring, and gentle. Live out the Fruit of the Spirit. Call your neighbor to ask how you can help them. Ask if you can pray for them. Share a favorite passage of Scripture with them. Be generous in love!

Freedom: An Encouragement for Small Groups

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“For freedom Christ has set us free…” (Galatians 5:1a)  

It certainly feels like Paul’s words to the Galatians are at odds with our current situation. For most of us, we’ve never had our freedoms so drastically limited as we have during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Has Christ’s work been overcome by this disease or our leaders’ decisions? “Of course not!” you might say, “that’s not what Scripture is talking about.” And you would be right. But, then why have we become so obsessed with what we can’t do right now?

If we keep reading, Paul addresses the underlying struggle:

“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”

Galatians 5:13

Our flesh wants the control back it thought it once had and enjoyed. Don’t get me wrong, our freedom to move about and function the way we did before COVID-19 gave us amazing opportunities we’re missing now. But if you find your mind clouded by thoughts of what you’re being kept from, or your actions paralyzed by the inability to do your normal routine, you may be missing some of what Jesus set you free to be and do, both now and perhaps before.

Instead of what we can’t do, let us focus on the unexpected opportunities and blessings our Savior has provided even in the midst of our current situation.

This is where Small Group comes in.

Often, for our gaze to be lifted, we need fellow travelers on the same path to point out where we’ve lost focus, arm us with Scripture and help us see how to move forward. And we need an initial forum to exercise our freedoms through loving service. Our group, like others, has struggled to find its rhythm in this new paradigm. But lately we’ve started shifting from what has been lost or changed to all the possibilities our freedom affords to love and serve each other, and it’s exciting! 

Here’s just a few things we’re trying during this season:

  • We are beginning a new group study format where each couple “owns” one of the weekly discussion questions to help everyone one be heard and involved amidst the often awkward and uncomfortable video conferencing.
  • Borrowing from an old group experience, we have launched a “Double Date Challenge” to encourage couple’s to build deeper relationships through face-to-face (but legal!) pairings. The creativity has already started flowing to balance safe and responsible activities with our craving for in-person community. For example, bring-your-own picnic on blankets six feet apart.
  • And while challenging, we’ve continued to look for opportunities to love and serve our community together, like writing letters to local nursing home residents who are unable to have visitors.

There are no limits to the amount of love Jesus is giving you, so be encouraged! Your freedom to love and serve each other is still fully intact, and with eyes on our Lord’s example and his Spirit empowering us, it may even be enhanced!

Don’t give up meeting together, no matter how awkward or emotionally unsatisfying.

And don’t let what you can’t do stop you from all the things you can do with the freedom we have in Christ!

 

The Power of Presence

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Our world is beautiful but broken, filled with both joy and suffering. When people we love are in the midst of this suffering, we desperately want to figure out how to help. How can we step into the dark moments with love? What can we do? How can we help? Our inability to fix suffering can lead us to feel helpless, but sometimes the simplest answer is the best answer: show up.  

 

Your presence is often the most powerful gift you can offer to someone in pain.  

 

Where is God in the midst of all the evil and darkness of our world? He is here. He is Emmanuel, God with us, and this transforms everything. Even in the most difficult times in our life, the presence of God with us sustains and comforts. Theological arguments on the why of suffering or scriptural truth on the value of suffering are important, but intellectual discussions are rarely helpful in moments of suffering or discomfort. These moments require relationship. We are created in the image of an eternally relational God—we are designed for relationship, with God and with each other. Through Jesus we are able to experience the blessing of God’s presence, whose love transforms everything. In the same way, when we are present with each other in suffering, we are able to love each other as Christ loves us.  

 

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

 

John 13:34 

 

When one of my children is sick or upset, as soon as I show up things are better. Just by listening to them or holding their hand, they can find peace. Usually our experiences of pain are more severe as adults, but what we need from others stays the same. Suffering requires our patient and loving presence, modeled by the God who is faithful to be present with us, always.  

 

Sitting at the hospital when a child is sick, listening to marriage difficulties of a friend, attending the funeral of our brother-in-Christ—these tangible moments of presence can encourage and strengthen others in their pain. Showing up in this way takes time, sacrifice, and the vulnerability of deep connection, but it is worth it. Our presence does not fix the pain and suffering in this world, but it can be powerful. When we look back on tough times in our lives, we remember who was there with us—who stepped in and in doing so brought light into dark places.  

 

It can be difficult to remember in the midst of suffering, but one day our King will return to wipe away every tear and make all things new. The biblical narrative culminates in a world with no more suffering, in which we are finally in the continuous and perfect presence of God, who drives out darkness completely, eternally.  

 

His presence changes everything. 

 

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth…. I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God…and I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.

 

Revelation 21:1-5 

 

The greatest gift God gives to us is himself. To be in his presence is to know peace and relationship and rest. Another great gift God gives to us is our family in Christ, embodying the gospel of salvation to each other. The presence of our brothers and sisters demonstrates the power of compassion and reminds us of God’s faithful love.

 

As the family of God, we can bring the light of God into the dark places until they are transformed into something new.  

Close Quarters, Healthy Marriage

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All areas of life are being tested right now: finances, health, school, work, and for many of us, marriage.

Social distancing presents opportunities to grow, but can also create friction in our marriage. Amidst the constraints of space, new responsibilities, and fear, we often end up treating those we love the most, the worst. We take out our frustrations on each other, lose patience quickly, and aren’t able escape from the issues in our relationships. We should offer each other a lot of grace — we are in a unique and difficult place — but we can also use this experience to learn how to love our spouse better and strengthen our marriages.

 

1. Begin with Humility

The starting point is recognizing that our own broken nature is the biggest problem in our marriage. It’s not the order to stay at home, it’s not our spouse’s annoying habits, it’s not financial uncertainty—it is our own brokenness. Not because we are horrible all the time, not because we are worse than our spouse, but because we are all broken.

We are called to initiate the other-centered, patient, enduring love of Christ to our spouse, regardless of how they are acting.

Ask yourself, not whether your spouse is living up to your expectations, but where are you falling short of this type of love? We so often fail, but transformation is possible when we begin with repentance. In order to love our spouse well, we have to see ourselves clearly and confess—only then can we turn around.

With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love.

Ephesians 4:2

 

2. Rest in Grace

Yes, we are broken, but we are also completely forgiven in Christ, which changes everything. In order to extend this grace and forgiveness to our spouse, we must remind ourselves of the gospel love of God – a love that we do not deserve and can never hope to return; a love that is enduring and transformative.

We forgive because we are forgiven.

Instead of white-knuckling our way to restoration through our own effort, we must learn to rest in the grace offered to us in Christ, letting his forgiveness transform us into people who offer this same grace to those around us. And when we do this, when we forgive as we are forgiven—for minor daily hurts or life-altering mistakes—it produces patience, endurance, and love in our marriage.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive.

Colossians 3:12-13

 

3. Embrace your Identity 

Even when we approach our relationships in humility and with grace, we cannot escape the reality of conflict. The stereotypical marriage fight—which way should the toilet roll face—has taken on a new meaning today, but here’s the truth: it was never really about toilet paper. We think we are arguing about whether the roll goes over or under, but these arguments are actually rooted in issues of trust and love. Something simple triggers us, we feel disrespected or unloved, and then spiral into an argument.

In order to break free from cycles that leave us distant and defeated, we must remember and trust that we are chosen and loved completely by Jesus. Only then can we let go of needing our spouse to fill this place of identity. An identity centered in Christ frees us to listen without becoming defensive, to reject the temptation to blame, and to respond to our spouse with empathy and patience.

In this love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

1 John 4:10-11

 

We all desire happy and fulfilling marriages—and that’s good— but, the goal of marriage as Christians isn’t personal happiness, it’s much greater.

God’s design is that our marriage would reflect his own love and faithfulness and transform us into the image of Jesus. When we turn toward each other in humility and forgiveness, grounding ourselves in the truth of the gospel, he is able to use these difficult moments for his good purposes.

We are broken, but because of Jesus, we are empowered by his Spirit to transform our brokenness into marriages that reflect the beauty, love, and purposes of God. There are many suggestions on how to fill our time right now—read more, learn a new language, pick up a new hobby—but what if, instead, we build marriages that glorified God and drew others to Christ?

In the middle of trial and testing, may we all turn toward God, turn toward each other, and create something beautiful together.