Tag Archive for: Spiritual Growth

Wash the Inside

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Christians care a lot about behavior.

Usually, it’s with good intentions. We want to “do the right thing,” we want to “honor God,” and “not sin.” But why are our efforts oftentimes externally focused? We want to wash up the outside without worrying about the inside. Is this because it seems easier to us – a prescription we can easily follow without having to do any real work on our hearts?

A Pharisee, known for adherence to behavioral expectations, was astonished when Jesus did not follow the customary practice of washing himself before their meal. But Jesus responded with his own exhortation:

“Now you Pharisees cleanse the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. You fools! Did not he who made the outside make the inside also? But give as alms those things that are within, and behold, everything is clean for you.”

– Luke 11:37-41

The problem with this “outside” approach is that it’s not very effective. How crazy would it be to take a dingy cup and wash only the outside, then drink from the dirty inside?

And yet, this is what we do!

When struggling with a pattern of behavior, a deeply ingrained habit, a sin struggle, we tell ourselves to just stop it. Does that ever work? As a counselor and a small group leader, I’ve seen this approach (and its failure) many times over the years. People think, “I need to just stop it!” But before they know it, they are back to the habit. I have done this myself, hoping to address the outside instead of washing the inside, and finding defeat. People scrub the outside of the dish over and over again, only to continue drinking from the dirty inside.

But, there is another serious problem with trying to clean only the outside: this approach is not biblical; it is not what God calls us to do. In fact, Jesus called out the Pharisees for this “outer only” technique. The Pharisees were all about cleaning the outside. They were big on religious rituals and ceremonial cleanliness and rule-following. They loved appearances, they loved praise from men, and from the outside they looked great. But, they thought their outer washing outweighed what was going on in their hearts. They thought that by putting on a good front, they were excused to think and feel whatever they wanted.

In the passage from Luke above, when Jesus says “give as alms those things that are within,” he means for the Pharisees, as well as us, to give offerings from the heart. An alm is an old-school term that usually refers to something material like food or money, given to the poor. But in this instance, Jesus speaks of the gifts that come from within: goodwill, love, grace, and pure motivations and thoughts. Everything we have to offer on the inside make that gift worthy to God before it comes out. Instead of focusing on the outside and what everyone else sees, God asks us to look within first.

This is the secret behind real and lasting change. With God at the helm, we clean the inside of the dish (our hearts and minds) surrendering it to him, and then the outside (our actions and words) follows.

A little over a decade ago, I was trying to address my sin struggles and really surrender my life to Jesus. I was angry, hurting, and hopeless, but a turning point came when I heard a sermon reminding me I was a new creation in Christ.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

– 2 Corinthians 5:17

When we accept Christ as our sacrifice and savior and receive salvation in him, a monumental change happens within us. We truly become different – no longer under the dominion of sin. That fateful sermon was the first of many times I found myself crying as I realized my new identity, because the truth of God’s word was coming alive in my heart. In other words, I believed – I believed in Jesus and who I am as a result – and my heart began to change.

It starts with repentance.

Bring the inside of your dirty dish to him. Believe in his goodness and his forgiveness, and the result will be obedience. Your dish will be clean on the outside. This process of repenting and believing should never end, throughout your lives. When our lives are about repenting and believing, this is when what we do becomes something more.

It becomes redemption.

 

From One White Christian to Another

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As I watched the public response unfold after George Floyd’s death on May 25, much of the controversy around the conversation of race and justice seemed distant. The vitriol was coming from politicians and media figures far away. The absurd headlines and offensive memes were being shared by people in other places, with a few exceptions. The hatefulness and ignorance were coming from other communities.

It turns out, I was ignorant too.

When local citizens organized a peaceful protest march in my neighborhood, I was shocked by the hatefulness shared by some in our community. It weighed on me. So I did the only thing I knew to do: pray.

I used social media and Nextdoor to invite others to join me in prayer at our neighborhood park six hours before the protest march. I was shocked again when some in our church and others in our community made assumptions and accusations about my invitation to pray.

It wasn’t all bad news, though. Just over 100 people gathered to pray that morning. I have seen countless posts and news stories showing unity and encouragement in the past couple of weeks, and there is a groundswell of support for reconciliation, healing, and justice.

However, my experience with the invitation to prayer has opened my eyes to a larger rift than I knew existed. I am cautious to wade into the broader conversation because I’m a white man, who has lived most of my life in a predominately white community. My family is white, my closest friends are white, and my life experience is white. But the most important truth about who I am has nothing to do with those things.

I am a follower of Jesus Christ. He is my king. His teachings and his way of life are my mission.

So, as a white Christian writing to other white Christians, here are three things I would like to share.

 

We have an opportunity

We can’t fully understand the hurt our black brothers and sisters are experiencing, but we can listen with humility and openness. The sad truth is, statistically, we aren’t great at this part. The Barna Group, an evangelical Christian research organization, published an article based on their findings that is worth reading. Barna VP of research Brooke Hempell says, “More than any other segment of the population, white evangelical Christians demonstrate a blindness to the struggle of their African American brothers and sisters.”

Wait…what?!? I don’t want that to be true of me. Do you want that to be true of you? Unfortunately, it is true of us.

But, do we want it to continue?

The first step we must take is to lean in and listen intently. What does that look like? It means seeking out conversations with black people in our lives. It might also mean reading things we wouldn’t normally seek out, or watching documentaries that make us uncomfortable, or exposing ourselves to things we disagree with or that offend us. This will take time and we should expect to be uncomfortable for a season, not an afternoon. Listening and learning will help us know how to take the next step.

We have an opportunity in this season to listen. To listen is to love, and love is what will change the world. Love has already changed each of us. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son…” (John 3:16a).

 

Race and reconciliation are not either/or issues

A false dichotomy exists in today’s either/or narrative and it should stop with us. We cannot participate in, or perpetuate, the division portrayed in the news media and on social media. There is more nuance to these issues than a meme can communicate. And nuance requires patience, thoughtfulness, and respectful conversation.

If we are going to listen in love, then we should be quiet long enough to understand all that is being said.

An easy example is to consider the difference between “black lives matter” and Black Lives Matter. One is a humanitarian statement defending the value of life, the other is a political organization with a specific agenda. Every Christian should fully endorse the statement “black lives matter,” but most Christians will find it difficult to support the full agenda of the Black Lives Matter political organization (e.g. the legalization of prostitution).

The conversation about race and reconciliation has become politicized and polarized, and we have been led to believe that there are only two sides to choose from. This is not true. These issues are multi-faceted.

Refusing to accept this false dichotomy should cause us to listen intently without assuming we understand all that is being said. It will also free us up to evaluate each facet of the conversation biblically.

This will help us as we consider the differences between protesting and rioting, police brutality and #backtheblue, inequality and privilege, and a hundred other parts of the conversation.

We must rise above the polarization and politics. The stakes are too high. We must embrace reconciliation as a both/and issue – as a gospel issue.

 

We must do something now

Jesus summed up God’s expectations for all of his people by teaching that the two most important things we must do with our lives are to love God with all that we are, and to love our neighbors as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:34-40). When asked to define what a neighbor is, Jesus told the parable of the good Samaritan – a story that shows everyone is our neighbor (Luke 10:25-37). Jesus took special care to break down the division of race for his followers.

White Christians, we must love our neighbors who are a different race from us. We must love in active, sacrificial, and uncomfortable ways. We must love humbly like our Savior loves (Philippians 2:5-8).

After listening and learning, we must engage the issues. We cannot sit on the sidelines! But we have to engage the issues like Jesus would. How did Jesus engage the world around him? He loved the broken and the hurting. He befriended the zealot. He washed the feet of his betrayer. Jesus forgave his executioners. He touched the leper. He wept with the grieving. He loved without pretense, prejudice, or politics. These examples show us that Jesus put the person above the problem.

 

What if you made it your mission to love like Jesus did?

What if white Christians across our community went all-in on this type of Jesus movement?

What if God used us to be part of the peace, healing, unity, and justice so badly needed?

What if God used you?

“By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.”

– 1 John 3:16-18

Want to listen and learn? There are a lot of resource lists available online. Check them out. I don’t think you can go wrong. Don’t know where to start? I like www.bethebridge.com

 

 

Carried by God

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When my daughter was young, I would often carry her in a baby wrap, snug and warm and safe. She would calm almost instantly as I pressed her close to myself. My slow and steady movements would lull her to sleep with the assurance that she was safe in my embrace.

But no child remains an infant forever. My oldest daughter is too grown up to let me carry her any longer, wanting instead to prove her capability. She insists on independence, often telling me, “I know what I’m doing, Mom.”

As you might guess, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I also often resist the help of others. I like to be in control, and being helped often means losing some control. This attitude especially emerges in times of stress and uncertainty.

This season of COVID-19 is rife with fear, worry, and anxiety for many of us. Grappling for control over each new situation, I have caught myself slipping into old mindsets that take me away from reliance on the Lord. Our resistance to receive help may seem harmless, initially, but it always attacks our relationships with God first. When we rely on ourselves too much, we fail to rely on him. If this continues, we miss out on the source of peace and comfort we need most in times of uncertainty.

Most children eventually outgrow their need for their earthly parents, but we never outgrow our need for God.

Throughout the Old Testament, we see God shepherding the nation of Israel, his chosen people. As the Israelites prepared to enter the Promised Land after wandering the desert for forty years, Moses recounted the mistakes of the previous generation. God had brought them to the land he had provided, commanding them to take it without fear of the enemies who lived there.

Then I said to you, ‘Do not be in dread or afraid of them. The Lord your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the Lord your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place.’

Deuteronomy 1:29-31

The Israelites had seen the mighty works of God: their deliverance from Pharaoh’s slavery, the parting of the Red Sea, and his provision of manna in the desert, among other things. Moses reminded them that God carried them all the way, providing every need while they walked through the unknown, as a good Father should. But despite all they had seen, their despair over their circumstances was greater than their faith in their Father’s care. Convinced that the difficulty was just too much, that generation missed out on entering the land God had promised them. And we are just as susceptible to reliance on ourselves.

Like an infant, I become restless in uncertainty. Eyes blinded by fear. Mind clouded by a lack of understanding. Hands clenched onto any control I can grasp. Convinced of my own competence and oblivious to my need for the Father who carries me.

We’re all walking through many unknowns right now. And though we may desire to trust God, we often resist his help and rely on our own competence. When we catch ourselves falling into that mindset, let’s turn back toward God.

Even in times of great difficulty, we can trust our Good Father.

He is always near, fighting for us in our most desperate situations and carrying us through seasons of fear and uncertainty. The Israelites lived with God’s presence among them yet did not truly see him for what he was. Because of Christ’s work on our behalf, we can walk in the light of his love, set free from sin’s power and relying on his rescue.

Let’s relinquish some of our self-reliance and control. Holding the circumstances of our lives with an open hand, instead of a tight grip, enables us to relax into God’s capable arms. And when we allow ourselves to be carried by God, our eyes will be opened to the work he is doing.

Exchange your self-reliance for faith in our ever-reliable God—the only one fully capable of handling our burdens. When we lean in, our good Father presses us closer to himself.

He will carry us all the way.

 

Studying the Bible

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As a 19-year-old, I moved miles away from my parents’ faith-filled home into my very own Ikea furniture-filled apartment.

Relying on my own beliefs for the first time proved to be more challenging than I had anticipated. My faith, which once felt simple and clear, grew murky against the backdrop of popular quotes from sermons circulating the internet and common but unbiblical phrases like, “God helps those who help themselves,” or “He won’t give you anything you can’t handle.”

My confusion and uncertainty in why I believed what I believed sent me on a mission to find out for myself exactly what my Bible said. Along the way, I learned how to study the Bible in three steps: observation, interpretation, and application.

 

Observation–What does this say?

Growing up in the Church meant that I had heard a lot of Bible stories throughout my childhood. I was familiar with Biblical characters (who were usually painted as heroes that taught some kind of moral lesson) and general concepts, but I had a false confidence that I knew more about the Bible than I actually did.

When I started taking the time to observe the text, it forced me to ask questions beyond the words on a page.

Why would he say it that way? This story reminds me of that story, is there some kind of connection between them? What’s up with these pharisees and why are they hating on Jesus so much?

The more questions I asked, the more intrigued I became with the text. The more intrigued I became, the more questions I would ask. It was an endless cycle that felt more like an adventure than a box to check on my to-do list of spiritual disciplines.

In learning to observe text, I grew confident that asking questions wasn’t a symptom of doubt like I had grown up believing. It wasn’t an indication of a weak or small faith, either. Inquisition was an essential tool to grow and sharpen it; it was the first step to standing firmly on my own faith and knowing exactly why I could rely on its foundation.

 

Interpretation–What does this mean?

Doing the hard work of interpretation showed me that I had a strong tendency to make the Bible about me.

I had a propensity to approach Scripture with egocentric expectations. I wanted immediate solutions to my problems, direction for my life, and to know how significant I was to God.

Before I knew better, I thought the Bible could mean one thing to me, another thing to you, and we could both have our cake and eat it, too.

What I didn’t know then is that the Bible isn’t actually about either of us. The Bible is a book about God written forus, not tous. Interpreting the Bible means uncovering the author’s intended meaning for his original audience. That meaning is objective, not subjective, so it will be equally true for those original hearers as it is for us today.

Interpretation is hard work. But I’ve found it gets a lot easier when I remove myself from a throne on which I do not belong and demand my self-esteem be spoken to. When I approach Scripture in worship with a bowed head and bent knee, I’m far more inclined to let God teach me through a text than to manipulate it to say something I want to hear.

 

Application–Why does it matter?

Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”

I’ve found the accuracy of that verse to be most palpable when tasked with applying the truth of the Bible to my own life. The same verse that comforts a hurting friend convicts me. The same passage I studied last year, challenges me in a new way this year.

Applying the Bible to my life is a protection that prevents me from only engaging with the Bible intellectually. To examine my heart and my life in raw honesty before God and welcome his conviction is to cooperate in my sanctification.

 

Studying the Bible takes time. In the midst of a global pandemic, most of us have a lot more than usual. As we search Scripture for answers and hope in the face of uncertainty, we can find the satisfaction and peace our souls long for when we learn to handle the Word rightly.

It’s true: there are certainly no shortcuts when it comes to learning about the God of the universe. But when we try – when we commit to growing in our knowledge of God – we’ll find there’s also no pursuit more worthy.

My prayer as we engage with God through his word, is that we would pursue him with all of our hearts, souls, and minds.

As you begin your journey to gain a better understanding of the Bible, you may find these resources helpful:

BlueLetterBible.org

BibleProject.com

BestCommentaries.com

The ESV Study Bible

How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth, Gordon Fee

God’s Big Picture, Vaughn Roberts

Women of the Word, Jen Wilkin

Clear Creek Classes

Who to Trust

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I remember the way I felt some years ago, the first time I watched our teenage son drive away on his own. Part of me was jumping for joy at getting out of the transportation business, but part of me wanted to scream, “I’m sorry world! Everyone look out!” It was a clarifying moment because as I watched him drive away I realized I had zero control of how he was going to do as a driver. Maybe even worse was the realization that I would still be responsible for how well he drove because I was paying for the auto insurance. It was a helpless feeling. The butterflies in my stomach were fluttering because I knew I had to give up control and I had to trust.

But, who to trust?

Trust Josh or trust God?

It didn’t take me long to figure out that if I was going to trust Josh, which I had no real choice but to do, I had to first and foremost trust God. That’s the way life always has to work, if it is going to work. We live our lives with people. All day, every day. And so, our trust in God is inescapably reflected in how we relate to the people around us. If we are not very careful to trust God first then our only option is to pin our hopes on other people, and the only way we can get other people to do what we (think we) need them to do is to control them. Running around trying to control others is a bad way to live.

The need to control is a one-way road with two lanes. One lane is filled with fear, the other is filled with selfishness. I’m going to control people to keep them from taking something from me I am afraid to lose. Or, I am going to control people to try and get what I want from them. The lane of fear is filled with the potholes of shame and guilt that come from treating other people as threats. The lane of selfishness is riddled with the potholes of frustration and despair because people are hopelessly unreliable when it comes to satisfying your soul.

The only way to exit the one-way road of fear and selfishness is to trust God first. When you do, you release yourself from the need to depend on people or protect yourself from people, you actually free yourself to serve other people. This truth is at the heart of texts like “Blessed are the meek…” “Blessed are the pure in heart…” “Blessed are the peacemakers…” (Matthew 5:1-11). People who trust God first can be the kind of people Jesus calls leaders, “But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them.  It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave…” (Matthew 20:25-27).

Jesus proclaims those who trust God first don’t have to dominate, don’t need ulterior motives, and are willing to endure some injustice to restore relationships. Jesus said people who trust God first are the kind of people who are his followers and the kind of people his followers follow.

This is always an essential truth for us, but particularly so right now, because this virus is like one of those watching your teenager drive away moments. It’s a flashing traffic light telling you “you are NOT in control!”

You are not in control of the measures government agencies and employers take to control the spread. You’re not in control of how responsible the people who pick and deliver your groceries are. You’re not in control of the people who bought up every roll of toilet paper in the universe.

I know you know all that.

But, whether you trust God first or trust people first is determining how you respond to it all.

If you are first depending on people to protect your job, your health, your savings, your vacation plans then you should be afraid. You need those people to protect what is most important to you. If you are depending first on people to address the specific impacts on your first, the way you want them to, you are going to be frustrated to the point of despair.

It isn’t that those things don’t matter. And, it is true that all of us have endured some degree of loss. For many it’s been mostly inconvenience, but for some it has been truly catastrophic. The question is, who are you looking to for restoration? Who do you believe knows what is in everyone’s best interest and has the power to bring it about? Whose goodness will allow your heart to rest enough that you can humbly obey those who administer our government and our employment? Whose power and presence can sustain you through grief and financial strain?

God first, or people first?

Who will present themselves as a servant to their neighbor? Who will rejoice in and redeem unprecedented time to be present with spouse and children? Who will regularly offer prayer for healing, wisdom, relief? The one who trusts God first, or people first?

I’ve been trying to figure out what my actions and emotions in response to the virus and its affects are teaching me about who I trust first. I’m trying to capture the moments of frustration and self-pity and figure out why I expect some other person to provide what no person can provide for me. Then figure out how I should respond that those people differently when I get my trusts in order.

I want to refuse to be gripped by fear, selfishness, or COVID-19 angst. I refuse to be a victim or a wet rag waiting for the next negative shoe to drop. I want God to make me pure in heart, to use me to be a peacemaker, to be someone Jesus would call a leader.

If nothing else, I know this much: I need to trust God first.

 

(Mom) Guilt and the Gospel

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It started a few weeks after my oldest son was born.

I had dreamed of being a mom. Read all the books. Attended the classes. Developed and implemented a plan experts guaranteed would have my child sleeping on a schedule and through the night by six weeks old.

Except it didn’t work.

I was a wreck. I wasn’t even three months into this mom gig, and already I had failed my child in some significant way. I was experiencing my first bout of mom guilt.

I have a feeling most moms can share their own stories of times they felt they were not up to the task of motherhood, that somehow, they too failed their children. It’s almost universal. Studies say more than 90 percent of mothers experience this unique kind of distress, and 75 percent of parents as a whole feel pressure to be “perfect” for their children. Did you read that? Perfect. No wonder we feel guilty. Perfect is a pretty high standard.

For moms who are followers of Christ, what are we to do with mom guilt?  Actually, let’s first ask the question: what are Christians to do with guilt period?

2 Corinthians 7:10 says, “For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas world grief produces death.” Said another way, our grief before salvation leads us to repent and accept Jesus’ gift of grace on our behalf. Once we’ve become followers of Jesus, Christians shouldn’t feel guilt. Conviction of the Spirit for sin? Yes! But guilt? No. The penalty for our sin has been paid by Jesus.

Bryan Chapell expands on this truth in his book, Holiness by Grace:

Remorse prior to approaching the cross is of God, but after true repentance beneath the cross such self-reproach is of Satan. Our Adversary wants us to believe that Christ’s blood is not sufficient to cleanse confessed sin. We become susceptible to his lie when we begin to doubt the power of the cross full to cancel our guilt, for then we will begin to live (and fall) in the strength of our own efforts.

If you listened to the Clear Creek Resources podcast episode Rachel Chester, Mandy Turner, and I did on mom guilt, we made the distinction between good and bad guilt. Good guilt is better called conviction. It’s one of the roles the Holy Spirit plays in the life of the Christian. It is a mark of true belief (see John 16:8). As followers of Jesus we should be broken over sin. As believing moms we should repent when we sin against our children. Certainly this happens: angry words, rash discipline, selfish motives. These are clearly times we should ask for forgiveness from the Lord and our children.

However, far too often we experience anguish and shame when no sin was involved. This is because somewhere along the way we exchanged the idea of what we might do to be a good mom with what we must do to be a good mom. I experienced mom guilt when I didn’t plan the perfect birthday party, or couldn’t have lunch at school with my boys because of work, or a thousand other things that made me feel like a bad mom. But, I had turned mommy possibilities into mommy imperatives. This is bad guilt.

Sometimes mom guilt has nothing to do with our actions. We may feel guilty because our child made a poor choice and is experiencing a natural consequence like the loss of a friendship. That is enough to send some into the mom guilt spiral of self-doubt, heartache, and despair. And you should know, this also is bad guilt.

Mom guilt is bad guilt.

We need a gospel pathway to walk in order to deal with it.

In my opening story about how I couldn’t get my son to sleep, my friend Amanda heard about my despair. She called and gave me words of grace. Gratefully, over the years, many other women have shepherded my heart similarly in other times of mom guilt. I want to leave you with four steps that have helped me get back on track, and I hope, might help you as well:

1. Remove the standard of perfection.
Get rid of the burden you’ve placed on yourself from wherever it may have arisen (e.g., family of origin, social media, friends). Realize there is one who has been perfect for you (2 Cor. 5:21). Like Paul, we certainly all have weaknesses. And if the apostle, who wrote two-thirds of the New Testament, can claim that because of his weaknesses he can rest in Jesus, certainly we should as well (2 Cor. 12: 9-10).

2. Fix your eyes on Jesus.
I think my mom guilt has often surfaced when my focus has been too much on me. Jesus frees me from needing to constantly evaluate myself against my “perfect mom” standard. Instead of my feeling being anchored to my accomplishments which fluctuate daily (sometimes I’m happy at the day’s end, and other times I’m discouraged), my affections are bound up in Jesus who is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Heb. 13:8). His love for me is steadfast (Rom. 8:38-39) because of what he accomplished for me 2,000 years ago.

3. Call out to God.
Let’s be real. Being a mom is hard. Really hard. Go to Jesus in prayer when you feel the waves of self-doubt and despair begin to wash over you (Heb. 4:16). Don’t skip this! Prayer is one of the most effective ways to combat mom guilt.

4. Be involved in community.
Every mom needs two (or, maybe ten?) Amandas in her life. You need women who can speak gospel truths to your heart. You need friends who will not tell you what you want to hear but need to hear. This is authentic community. It is where can know and be known. It is where you can be vulnerable and find encouragement that you are not alone in your dealings with mom guilt…or any other endeavor (Heb. 10:24-25).

 

It’s Viral

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Kay and I, like many other people, have been taking a lot of walks the last few weeks. It’s been fun and it’s been a bit strange because there are times when so many people are strolling it almost looks like a parade. Everyone walking in the street – keeping a polite distance – walking along with their dogs, children, bikes, and wagons. It’s hard not to think the world would be a better place if evening walks in the neighborhood became our collective norm.

Still, there is something unsatisfying about it.

The parade has the appearance of being quaint and beneficial, until you look closely enough to see what’s really going on. If you stop and just watch the “parade” through the neighborhood you notice people are together, but separate. They can get close to each other, but not too close. Some are obviously afraid of everyone and some groups are brazen in their disregard for the whole “distancing” idea.

I want to remember the picture because it so aptly illustrates what sin does.

Think about it. Like a virus, sin is unseen. It is present all around you, and even in you, and it makes you sick and it makes the people you interact with sick.

Sin is the greatest producer of “social distancing” in the history of people. Sin separates us from one another. Sin is like the unseen virus that produces conversations without hugs, presence without intimacy. Sin is the unseen virus that keeps some people bound in fear of others while some people flaunt their indifference to how they might injure other people. Sin is the virus that makes us mistrust the person approaching us, and even mistrust ourselves. So we keep safe space, we keep secrets, we erect defenses, we chase urban myths seeking cures and comforts.

Maybe the best thing that could come out of the unprecedented response to a physical virus would be if each of us would take some strong action against our spiritual virus, sin. Instead of using the current circumstances as an excuse to look outwardly and act against a physical threat, now would be a great time to look intently inward and deal with a more dangerous threat.

Here is a really good place to look for the virus: if in the midst of spending more time at home you find yourself getting irritable and impatient with your spouse, why is that? Why is it that the person you joyfully became one with is now somehow an inconvenience? What is it that is more important to you than they are? Or, what have you been thinking and doing over the years of your marriage to give your spouse reason to mistrust you or protect themselves from how you respond to life?

If there is tension between the two of you, you can “social distance,” or you can wear masks to cover up and protect what you’ve chosen to love more. You can make your focus the harm you fear they might cause you. You can prioritize your work and personal space and just adapt to the tension. That is what is happening in some hearts and homes in the midst of this forced presence at home. And so, like the evening parade in the neighborhood it looks kind of cool, until you look closely. But if you stop and watch you notice the masks, the fear, and the mistrust.

The better response would be to kill the virus that is living in you and making you the center of your own little universe. The better response would be to hold your heart and its desires up to the truth of Scripture and face up to the ways you choose to serve you, over and against choosing to practically love and serve the person you married. The better response would be to use this unprecedented opportunity to trust God in the simplest, most mundane interactions in your home to serve your spouse. You aren’t going to fix everything in a week, but you can change the trajectory of your marriage starting today, starting with you. As a beginning how about picking just one short verse of Scripture and commit to living it out at home, something like:

 

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Philippians 2:3-4

 

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 

Ephesians 4:29

 

But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Colossians 3:8

 

You pick a verse that will attack the worst symptom of the virus in you. You probably already have one ringing in your ears. If so, do that one.

This strange sort of national “time out” period could be the best thing that ever happened to you, your spouse, your family. But only if you look inside and only if you have the faith and courage to ask God to forgive you, heal you, remake you in his image. God will do that if you let him. He has the power and the will to kill the virus in you.

I hope and pray you will respond to the spiritual virus that’s in you with more energy and enthusiasm than the world is responding to a physical virus.

 

The Power of Presence

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Our world is beautiful but broken, filled with both joy and suffering. When people we love are in the midst of this suffering, we desperately want to figure out how to help. How can we step into the dark moments with love? What can we do? How can we help? Our inability to fix suffering can lead us to feel helpless, but sometimes the simplest answer is the best answer: show up.  

 

Your presence is often the most powerful gift you can offer to someone in pain.  

 

Where is God in the midst of all the evil and darkness of our world? He is here. He is Emmanuel, God with us, and this transforms everything. Even in the most difficult times in our life, the presence of God with us sustains and comforts. Theological arguments on the why of suffering or scriptural truth on the value of suffering are important, but intellectual discussions are rarely helpful in moments of suffering or discomfort. These moments require relationship. We are created in the image of an eternally relational God—we are designed for relationship, with God and with each other. Through Jesus we are able to experience the blessing of God’s presence, whose love transforms everything. In the same way, when we are present with each other in suffering, we are able to love each other as Christ loves us.  

 

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

 

John 13:34 

 

When one of my children is sick or upset, as soon as I show up things are better. Just by listening to them or holding their hand, they can find peace. Usually our experiences of pain are more severe as adults, but what we need from others stays the same. Suffering requires our patient and loving presence, modeled by the God who is faithful to be present with us, always.  

 

Sitting at the hospital when a child is sick, listening to marriage difficulties of a friend, attending the funeral of our brother-in-Christ—these tangible moments of presence can encourage and strengthen others in their pain. Showing up in this way takes time, sacrifice, and the vulnerability of deep connection, but it is worth it. Our presence does not fix the pain and suffering in this world, but it can be powerful. When we look back on tough times in our lives, we remember who was there with us—who stepped in and in doing so brought light into dark places.  

 

It can be difficult to remember in the midst of suffering, but one day our King will return to wipe away every tear and make all things new. The biblical narrative culminates in a world with no more suffering, in which we are finally in the continuous and perfect presence of God, who drives out darkness completely, eternally.  

 

His presence changes everything. 

 

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth…. I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God…and I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.

 

Revelation 21:1-5 

 

The greatest gift God gives to us is himself. To be in his presence is to know peace and relationship and rest. Another great gift God gives to us is our family in Christ, embodying the gospel of salvation to each other. The presence of our brothers and sisters demonstrates the power of compassion and reminds us of God’s faithful love.

 

As the family of God, we can bring the light of God into the dark places until they are transformed into something new.  

Close Quarters, Healthy Marriage

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All areas of life are being tested right now: finances, health, school, work, and for many of us, marriage.

Social distancing presents opportunities to grow, but can also create friction in our marriage. Amidst the constraints of space, new responsibilities, and fear, we often end up treating those we love the most, the worst. We take out our frustrations on each other, lose patience quickly, and aren’t able escape from the issues in our relationships. We should offer each other a lot of grace — we are in a unique and difficult place — but we can also use this experience to learn how to love our spouse better and strengthen our marriages.

 

1. Begin with Humility

The starting point is recognizing that our own broken nature is the biggest problem in our marriage. It’s not the order to stay at home, it’s not our spouse’s annoying habits, it’s not financial uncertainty—it is our own brokenness. Not because we are horrible all the time, not because we are worse than our spouse, but because we are all broken.

We are called to initiate the other-centered, patient, enduring love of Christ to our spouse, regardless of how they are acting.

Ask yourself, not whether your spouse is living up to your expectations, but where are you falling short of this type of love? We so often fail, but transformation is possible when we begin with repentance. In order to love our spouse well, we have to see ourselves clearly and confess—only then can we turn around.

With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love.

Ephesians 4:2

 

2. Rest in Grace

Yes, we are broken, but we are also completely forgiven in Christ, which changes everything. In order to extend this grace and forgiveness to our spouse, we must remind ourselves of the gospel love of God – a love that we do not deserve and can never hope to return; a love that is enduring and transformative.

We forgive because we are forgiven.

Instead of white-knuckling our way to restoration through our own effort, we must learn to rest in the grace offered to us in Christ, letting his forgiveness transform us into people who offer this same grace to those around us. And when we do this, when we forgive as we are forgiven—for minor daily hurts or life-altering mistakes—it produces patience, endurance, and love in our marriage.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive.

Colossians 3:12-13

 

3. Embrace your Identity 

Even when we approach our relationships in humility and with grace, we cannot escape the reality of conflict. The stereotypical marriage fight—which way should the toilet roll face—has taken on a new meaning today, but here’s the truth: it was never really about toilet paper. We think we are arguing about whether the roll goes over or under, but these arguments are actually rooted in issues of trust and love. Something simple triggers us, we feel disrespected or unloved, and then spiral into an argument.

In order to break free from cycles that leave us distant and defeated, we must remember and trust that we are chosen and loved completely by Jesus. Only then can we let go of needing our spouse to fill this place of identity. An identity centered in Christ frees us to listen without becoming defensive, to reject the temptation to blame, and to respond to our spouse with empathy and patience.

In this love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

1 John 4:10-11

 

We all desire happy and fulfilling marriages—and that’s good— but, the goal of marriage as Christians isn’t personal happiness, it’s much greater.

God’s design is that our marriage would reflect his own love and faithfulness and transform us into the image of Jesus. When we turn toward each other in humility and forgiveness, grounding ourselves in the truth of the gospel, he is able to use these difficult moments for his good purposes.

We are broken, but because of Jesus, we are empowered by his Spirit to transform our brokenness into marriages that reflect the beauty, love, and purposes of God. There are many suggestions on how to fill our time right now—read more, learn a new language, pick up a new hobby—but what if, instead, we build marriages that glorified God and drew others to Christ?

In the middle of trial and testing, may we all turn toward God, turn toward each other, and create something beautiful together.

What We Know

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There’s a story in the book of 2 Chronicles (yes, 2 Chronicles) about Jehoshaphat, the king of Judah. A few chapters earlier, the Bible tells us God was with Jehoshaphat because he sought the one true God, instead of the Baals – the popular idols of the day.

This is what we read picking up in Chapter 20:

“After this the Moabites and Ammonites [read: enemies of God’s people], and with them some of the Meunites, came against Jehoshaphat for battle. Some men came and told Jehoshaphat, ‘A great multitude is coming against you from Edom, from beyond the sea; and, behold, they are in Hazazon-tamar’ (that is, Engedi) [read: your land]. Then Jehoshaphat was afraid and set his face to seek the Lord, and proclaimed a fast throughout all Judah. And Judah assembled to seek help from the Lord; from all the cities of Judah they came to seek the Lord.” (2 Chronicles 20:1-4)

So basically, these guys show up and tell the king, “There’s this huge terrible thing coming towards you! But actually, it isn’t just coming, it’s already here!”

Does that sound familiar? Does it remind you of these crazy days of COVID-19?

Have you felt this sense of impending badness coming toward us? Have you wondered to yourself, How are we going to get out of this one? Or, What are we supposed to do?

Well, Jehoshaphat, a faithful man, was afraid and so he went to the Lord. He prayed in front of the whole nation. He said:

“O Lord, God of our fathers, are you not God in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. In your hand are power and might, so that none is able to withstand you. Did you not, our God, drive out the inhabitants of this land before your people Israel, and give it forever to the descendants of Abraham your friend?” (2 Chronicles 20: 6-7)

In this prayer, he stated things they all know to be true of God – his strength, the promises he’d made, and the ways he’d been faithful to them before.

And then Jehoshaphat said this:

“…For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” (2 Chronicles 20:12b)

What a great prayer! “God, we have no control, and we don’t even know what to do. But we trust you.”

To say that, and not only to say it, but to believe it – to not just know it, but to let it affect the way you live – when facing… what? Discomfort? Disruption of our normal life? The possibility of death?

“God we trust that you are strong, we trust that you are good, we trust that you love us, but mostly we trust that you have a plan through all of this.”

It reminds me of another passage from the Bible.

Jesus, facing his own impending discomfort/disruption/death, goes to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray right before he is betrayed by one of his friends.

“And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, ‘My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.'” (Matthew 26:39)

We all want God to just go ahead and call an end to all of this source of worry and disruption and uncertainty and of possible harm. We know he can do it. But we also know he knows what he’s doing. It’s out of our hands. And what better hands for it to be in?

So, Jehoshaphat and his people went to the edge of the battlefield and found all of their enemies laying dead on the ground.

Jesus went to the cross and died for the sins of the world.

We don’t know what’s around the bend for us. But this is what we do know: God is strong, God is good, God loves us, and most of all, God has a plan.

He has a plan for the world through all of this. Who knows in what ways he might use his people to reach people in the world?

He has a plan for us through all of this. Who knows how he might transform our own hearts – refining us, leading us to let go of control and some of our other idols, softening our selfishness – through all of this?

And he has a plan for the grand story of the world that passes right through all of this. He knows the end. He knows it ends with every knee bowed and every tongue confessing that Jesus is Lord.

Friends, trust in God – through COVID-19, your happiness, your heartache, and everything in between.

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:4-7)

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